By: Chardonnay Perrignon
Hello all! The first week of classes has been very busy, and I have kept my eyes and ears open for all sorts of tidbits of gossip around town. Here are a few to tantalize!
*If you see R.K., don’t commend her on her weight loss. It turns out that while she was missing on break, she hadn’t eaten all that time, and hasn’t been on Madame Maxine’s Grapefruit diet. She is not pleased with your compliments.
*Quite a few visitors from Drumstrang have been seen at the school, including one handsome visitor named “S” bringing lovely gifts of fur-lined attired for a certain Ravenclaw, also named “S.” If things heat up anymore between them, throw that lovely cloak and hat my way, because things are awfully cold for me here at night!
*Professor Broome, besides being skilled in Arithamancy, is rumored to be skilled at discipline. Rumor has it that he made a popular Hufflepuff first year comb out the hair of all the rats in the upper dungeon during “P’s” detention last week. Ouch!
* “B”, a boisterous Slytherin 7th year, has been going around accusing everyone from Ravenclaw first years to haunted protraits of killing her mother to get to her father. We’re sorry for your loss honey, but Oedipal, much?
*Brother and sister team “T”and “E” are living in a French chateau donated to them by their father. (We should all be so lucky.) Rumor has it, a certain new medical professional has shacked up with one, or both, of them. Oooh lalala!!
*Do NOT call a certain potions professor “Professor Shortstuff.” He does not like it and you may end up fearing for your life.
*It may just be this reporter’s opinion, but there are some wizards on campus that are in dire need of a “muggle makeover.” Hey S.A.! I’m talking to you! Can we say, “White and Nerdy”?
*Speaking of which, Auror Cortes, I’m not sure if “Captain America” is the right look for you. This reporter might book you and S.A. on the next episode of “House Elves for your Bad Selves,” and let those fabulous four little elves have their way with you…. Black *is* the new black, you know…
