By: Everhardt Lovegood
In this week’s Quibbler spotlight is Merlot Zymurgy, Barmaid at the Troll’s Head Pub. Ms. Zymurgy is a recent Hogwarts Alumna who finished her NEWTS just this past spring. Known for her quick-change hair and quicker wits, Merlot is the toast of the Troll. Lest patrons get too frisky there, she notes that she was head of the Wizard Dueling Team during her 6th and 7th year. “I loved the wizarding dueling club when I was in it, and I am thinking of trying to be the advisor and start it up again.”
Merlot’s family has a proud past, “…there was no question really that I was going to be a Slytherin. Both my parents were, and all of their parents as well. So it was a family legacy. My mum died when I was young, so I didn’t really know her, but I was always daddy’s little girl.” Merlot adds that she has always been bookish. Some of her favorite books include Magical Water Plants of the Mediterranean, Modern Magical History, and Muggles Who Notice — There are plenty of wizards who notice, too, Merlot!
Asked if she knew of any dark creatures in the Hogwarts vicinity, she replied, “Oh yes! Working as a barmaid means you hear all kinds of information about these things. I know that I have a reputation as a gossip. But this is NOT true. The bar is the place where the gossip happens. So I am not a source, merely a conduit.” She then proceeded to regale this reporter with a tidbit about a certain well-known citizen, “H”, and his house elf – a story for another column, perhaps…
Returning to the topic of dark creatures, the Quibbler asked if she thought that the Ministry and the Hogwarts administration are doing enough to control such creatures and keep the students safe? She responded: “I believe that the professors and staff at Hogwarts are doing their best to keep everything under control. When magical forces are at work, not everything can be controlled. So you shouldn’t even try. And a lot of the students are a lot brighter than we give them credit for, I think. They know who the wolves are. They know if there are vampires around. And they know the consequences of messing with them.” And consequences can be severe, at least for the dark creature itself. The Quibbler has exclusively learned that Ms. Zymurgy put her dueling skills to good use against at a furry interloper at the most recent full moon, single-handedly netting and ejecting said lupine miscreant when he failed to take his wolfsbane potion faithfully!
At the tender age of 19, though, Ms. Zymurgy seems unsure as to her future, “I don’t know what I want to do with my life. Can you imagine that? A Slytherin without ambition?” This reporter found that this lackadaisical attitude has caused quite some tension between her and her father, to the point that he has thrown her out of the house. This is perhaps why she is now living in a squalid little room above the Troll’s Head.
About her social life, she says, “Sometimes I go to the dances at the Leaky Cauldron, It was a lot nicer there before the sudden flea infestation problem they have had. I don’t understand why, frankly they should really get some of Mrs. Scower’s All Purpose Magical Mess Remover, or some Doxycide, or something…” She denies being in a romantic relationship currently, but admitted to a series of less than stellar pairings in her recent past, including one fellow whom she suspected of being a vampire! What next, Merlot – a werewolf??
Be that as it may, Ms. Zymurgy says that one of the best aspects of her job is the people that she meets. “I try to get along with everyone… students of every house, adults of every inclination no matter their ultimate goal… If someone has a problem with me, it makes me sad.” Truly a Slytherin with a heart!
Asked if she had anything else to tell the Quibbler’s readership about herself, she responded, “I don’t know. If I tend to be blunt, that’s just my nature. Don’t take offense.” None taken, Merlot.
