“Lion’s Den” Jams the L.C.

By: Everhardt Lovegood

(Wizards’ Alley, 23 June) The last school dance of the term, sponsored by Gryffindor House, drew numberous students, townies, and other personages to the Leaky Cauldron, a local dive run by notorious Hufflepuff 4th year, Leeloo D. Ms. D was frocked out in an irridescent little yellow number that had a certain Slytherin 7th year salivating in his punch. Her nibs was recently interviewed by a competing publication (which shall remain nameless), that characterized her as working for the overthrow of the wizarding world.

International Incidents Plague Hogwarts and Surrounding Area!

by Chardonnay Perrignon

It has come to the attention of this writer that the faculty of Hogwarts and maybe even some of the Ministry of magic are trying to cover a major international incident between the Kamachi Family of
Japan, one of their children, the famous Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and a little known witch named Merlot Zymurgy formerly of the Leaky Cauldron.

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Dark Creature Alert: Full Moon Expected Saturday, June 30

by Caveat D. Canem

Rumors abound of dark creatures such as vampyres and warewolves infiltrating the citizenry of Wizards’ Alley.

For instance, a tall, pale woman was spotted in Wizards’ Alley mumbling to all and sundry, “I am a vampire.” Really, woman, could you be a little less subtle? Some of us might not get the idea!

In another happening, an apprentice vampyre, maskerading as a Hogwarts first year inadvertently attacked a warewolf on the Wand Court. Was he in for a shock! Warewolf blood don’t taste so good….

We at the Quibbler will keep you informed for further developments — specially around the time of the next full moon, currently scheduled for Saturday, June 30. All non-vampyres and non-warewolves are advised to stock up on garlic and sliver bullets.

Horoscopes

By: Albus Nonymous

ARIES

Intuition will be important for you in recent turnings of the sands of time, especially where siblings or neighbours are concerned. Take heed of the sensitivty of others when controvercy rears its head. A good retreat is better than a bad standpoint. Acting as though you were an authority may lead you to misfortune. Interestingly, someone you think naive may have valuable knowledge in something you thought yourself well-versed. Flattery will get you everywhere, Aeries. Keep an extra spell up your sleeve however over the next few days. Your ambitions may backfire, this will be your backup.

“Blood runs thicker than the waters of charity. Know this, Number 6, and you will know yourself.” - Albus Nonymous.

Mysterious Deaths and Resurections Plague the Huddleson Family

By: Vulcent Kohime

London — Ministry officials did a complete check of the Huddleston residence after getting tipped off by Ambrose Huddleson, who is recovering from being attacked by an unknown witch.

Inside the house Ministry officials discovered a grusom scene. It appears Mrs. Olivia Huddleston was brutally stabbed in the heart, killing her instantly. Her Body was found in a secret location in the house, unknown to her husband Xavier Huddleston of the Obliviator Headquarters or there house elf. This comes after the disappearances and rumored death of the couple’s only son, Ambrose Huddleston, who resurfaced at St. Mungo’s only the day before.

Father Thames has returned!

By: Incompertus Scriptor

Sources within the Ministry, who wish to remain anonymous, have informed the Quibbler that an ancient and mysterious relic has suddenly resurfaced in Britain after many years absence. The statue of ‘Father Thames’- the nickname given to the mighty river that runs through London, is supposedly an item created in medieval times and possessed with the spirit of the river itself.

Lockdown at Hogwarts; Paranoid Precautions or a Hint of Things to Come

By: Serma Veritas

New wards of protection have been placed around Hogwarts, the oldest and most prestigious school of Witchcraft and Wizardry in England. After the fire that devastated the building last summer, it is of little surprise that extra protection is now being taken but these new wards are not protecting the school from fire or other natural disaster.

The additional wards will prevent anyone not authorized by the headmistress — and those she designates as trustworthy enough to be allowed to grant access — to enter. This seams a dreadful mistake should another fire, or other natural disaster, happen. What will happen to the student?