By: Chardonay Perrignon
Wizards at the Ministry of Magic who study the statistics of the Wizarding population have discovered a disturbing trend among this generation’s pureblood population– the squib population has nearly tripled within the last three years in families which do not have any muggle born witches or wizard in them!
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By: Emma Peel
What’s a kitchen witch?
By now we’ve all seen some pretty hilarious kitchen witch dolls. You may even have one hanging in your kitchen. While this is probably the first thing that spring to mind when most people hear the term kitchen witch, I’d like to lodge a formal complaint: I am a kitchen witch, the genuine, authentic, 100% real deal. I am certainly not , constructed of a bit of pantyhose, fabric scraps and mono-filament wire! (more…)
By: Chardonnay Perrignon
A dark evil wizard tried to burn down the leaky but was foiled by the sheer willpower of the unamused. Amazing!
Fashion at Hogwarts has been stifled by a decree from the headmistress reaffirming the traditional and old-fashioned standards of dress, especially for the young ladies. It is the young men at the school that seem to be disappointed by the enforcements of the new standards of decorum, unsurprisingly.
By: Serma Veritas
The Quibbler magazine is facing a staffing crisis and may have to close up shop if something isn’t done and soon. Everhard Lovegood, a full time staff reporter, has moved on to find other opportunities. And we, his friends, wish him the best.
Miss Merlot Zymurgy is the Barmaid at the Trolls Head Pub in KnockOff Alley, Runs Errands for Deputy Headmistress Wylder Pan, and was raised in a Slytherin Pureblood household of impeccable manners. Please Address your owls with questions regarding etiquitte, manners, or other problems in your wizarding life to her.
Dear Miss Merlot,
I’m afraid one of my teachers in a vampire. What should I do?
Signed,
Meek in Hufflepuff
Dear Meek,
Yes, I know that some teachers ask you to do so much work for them it seems like they are asking you for blood! However, this does *not* mean that your professors are Vampires! According to the ministry of magic, vampires are not even allowed to carry wands, so it would make it very difficult for a vampire to teach a class of any substance at Hogwarts.
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By: Chardonnay Perrignon
Hello all! The first week of classes has been very busy, and I have kept my eyes and ears open for all sorts of tidbits of gossip around town. Here are a few to tantalize!
*If you see R.K., don’t commend her on her weight loss. It turns out that while she was missing on break, she hadn’t eaten all that time, and hasn’t been on Madame Maxine’s Grapefruit diet. She is not pleased with your compliments.
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By: Everhardt Lovegood
In this week’s Quibbler spotlight is Merlot Zymurgy, Barmaid at the Troll’s Head Pub. Ms. Zymurgy is a recent Hogwarts Alumna who finished her NEWTS just this past spring. Known for her quick-change hair and quicker wits, Merlot is the toast of the Troll. Lest patrons get too frisky there, she notes that she was head of the Wizard Dueling Team during her 6th and 7th year. “I loved the wizarding dueling club when I was in it, and I am thinking of trying to be the advisor and start it up again.”
By: Chardonnay Perrignon
Peter Sakai, local haunt in the Hogwarts greenhouse, somehow escaped his haunting grounds to perform a rockin’ concert in celebration of the American Independence Day this past Wednesday. On stage alone for more than an hour he remained corporeal and played his own incredible tunes as well as music from David Gray, Jimmi Hendrix, and traditional Amrrican Patriotic tunes. (more…)
